Bladder issues!

 I have a hydration bladder, but I would never in a million years ever go backpacking or just camping with only a bladder.  No matter what I always have a water bottle with me because if you have ever used a water bladder you know that first they always mildew, then they can have leaky parts, and finally they can rupture or tear.  I am scared to death of being in the backwoods with only a bladder and have it go bad for any sort of way.  Then I received Junes issue of Backpacker magazine and they have an article about what to do if you are stupid, I mean if you only bring a bladder with you into the backwoods and it springs a leak (morons, who does this sort of stuff?)

 I tried to take pictures of the article so you could read it and so that I would feel on the dangerous side by publishing something that is not supposed to be distributed without notification (don't tell Backpacker magazine I did this)  The article starts by talking about small and large holes in bladders, and both of which I am extremely familiar with.  For small holes they recommend using a small lighter to kind of melt the plastic back together.  That to me seems like it is only going to make a bigger hole.  For small holes I do this: USE MY WATER BOTTLE I BRING!  Then they do have a great idea for large holes and that is to put a piece of duct tape on both sides of the tear so that the water puts pressure on one side and the other side holds it in place and you don't have to taste duct tape glue flavored water.  Or do what I do: BRING A SPARE CANTEEN!

 OK so then the article takes a funny/weird/odd turn when talking about a full blowout of a bladder.  They say to line the bladder with a plastic bag which I can see having a spare trash bag around and using it, that seems OK.  Then they suggest using a "condom" because everyone brings a freakin condom with them into the backwoods and turn it into a waterballoon sort of thing to create like a dam to stop the leak.  I don't care if you are going on a baby making excursion, I don't want to know that there has or ever will be a condom in the backwoods.  If your whole goal for camping "is to get some" then go to the lake and get drunk with all the rest of the idiots out there but there just seems so much wrong in this article thinking that everyone has a "condom" in the backwoods.

In the end there are ways that I have learned to try and fix a broken bladder the next time my bladder busts.  Then there are things I learned about other peoples gear bags that now I know theose people will never be in the backwoods with me.  Last always remember to BRING A FREAKIN WATER BOTTLE OR CANTEEN INTO THE BACKWOODS no matter what else you have with you.